Tag Archives: parenting

Sam Talks Back

Where I was trying to find control,
                  you lost it.

            I was growing;
awkward, ungainly,
          and to shape me
          you cut me down.

Where I would seek love,
            you gave me conditions
      and where I loved you,
              you absorbed the impact,
                      in the thicker parts of yourself-
                softening the blow.

Where you are, I cannot be me,
                I cannot be.

Natural History

I remember the road,
          the air raging against us
                            while time refused to move.
          My father wore driving gloves
                  absurd shorts
                        a proud mullet.

            When we stopped for gas he’d take note:

  • The odometer
  • The amount of gas
  • The reconciled mileage

             He’d check the oil each time.

Spitefully, the car gave up before he did,
                      and for three days in Virginia
            my sister and I waited for parts to arrive,
                          so he could fix it.
            and we-
                                        could get back on the road.

I remember he was always confident-
                  hopeful;
          only ever briefly apologetic,
                secreting his resentments away
                      to hasty whispers he alone could hear.

When we finally arrived in DC,
      we had two days left to visit the smithsonian…

I can’t remember why I enjoyed it so much.

Music Box

Disjointed limbs
sprawled about in darkness
pressed hard against a sullen mirror
as if anything can be seen here
             in darkness.
All potential lies beneath
locked away – boxed up – unseen
a forest of teeth
             dormant
                           unfed
                                        and waiting
             in darkness

The outside is gilded rococo
             feathered geometry
swimming like creamed coffee
the dissonance of naivety marbled
             in darkness

Lift the lid
             watch the darkness hide away
the limbs snap in place
the dancer takes the stage
             the teeth gnash and grind
                           but it sounds like music in the air

We dance until exhausted
until those teeth need to be fed again
and you look down at the silence
only to see your own image reflected
             in darkness.

Fall

The city stretches for miles
from this height it looks like a destination
not a place,
               not a home
nothing out there is discernable
not in any real sense
               you can make out landmarks
               but not their feelings
               not the nuances of being there.

The wind senses my fear
               rises up in jest
                              pushing me toward the edge
my heart lies there too.
               a battle on two fronts
I exchange my hat for a taste of victory
with the blurred streets below
drawn in vaguely violent impressionism.

I reach out over the edge
               to warn it of the dangers down there,
but it ignores this
               falling,
caught in a mad dance with the wind.

I say nothing,
               but my head is cold.

Trainspotting

It was so hard to love you
difficult – but no less true
not for our lack of trying
just crying and failed pursuits.

I adored what you should be
if you had ever been free
to choose us over the fight
for the right to always flee

You so loved being needed
until us tributes pleaded
for your need in return
a concern left unheeded

I sat for hours on the bank
a stowaway on the plank
hoping for your kind reprieve
left there to grieve as I sank

I imagined I could tell
that I knew your car so well
to identify the sound –
all I found were my dreams quelled

‘Twas never your car.
cold and alone with the stars
waiting for you to arrive
still alive – gathering scars

These days I’m a parent too
trying not to be like you –
I too feel the need to flee…
look at me – nothing is new.