Living with a chronic illness is something that I am new to. I was diagnosed at the start of this year. Here’s how that happened. Forewarning, I discuss bodily functions in this post. Don’t read it, if that kind of thing makes you squeamish.

About two weeks prior to my diagnosis I was bloated, gassy, and constipated which I had taken milk of magnesia to try and relieve. Constipation was not new to me.

One day at work I felt abdominal cramping and when I went to the bathroom I found a substantial amount of bright red blood in my stool. 

I was freaking out because my Dad has colon cancer. Because of that my mind immediately defaulted to “It must be cancer!”

I broke down crying while on the toilet at work. I called my husband to let him know what happened and he calmed me down, and helped me remember that we wouldn’t know what’s wrong until I saw a doctor; he then recommended that I speak to my manager. I had a full-blown panic attack in my manager’s office and then went home.

I went to a clinic where, for the first time in my adult life, someone looked at my butthole. The doctor checked to see if I had a hemorrhoid that may have ruptured, but I didn’t, so she referred me to a gastroenterologist. I went to a gastroenterologist the next day and was scheduled for a colonoscopy the day after. 

The bowel preparation for the colonoscopy was one of the worst things that I have ever experienced. 

After the colonoscopy I was informed that I more than likely had Crohn’s Colitis but they would have to wait for the results of the biopsy that they took to come back to know for sure. The biopsies came back within the next 48 hours and I was officially diagnosed with Crohn’s Colitis and prescribed an anti-inflammatory medication that I would potentially have to be on for the rest of my life, this is when I got to experience medicated enemas for the first time, 30 days worth.

As a woman in her twenties, already struggling to be confident in her own skin; having diarrhea, mucus, and blood coming out of my ass multiple times a day, wasn’t exactly a confidence-booster. 

My self-esteem took a huge blow. 

My relationship suffered. 

My outlook on life was bleak.

I was drowning.