Debt. I have a car loan and three credit cards. My total credit availability is nearly zero. I make my payments on time and I rarely pay only the minimum.

Employment. I am employed full-time as a retail department manager. I get paid very well. The company provides great benefits. I do not get along with my fellow managers because I am very policy-oriented and I like to be fairly professional, they do not. There is a clique of managers in our store, it’s existed since before I was employed there. It creates an unprofessional environment. I am glad to be gainfully employed, but I wish I could work somewhere that didn’t operate on favoritism and friendship. I never get positive feedback and am constantly having to motivate myself, and give myself kudos for a job well done. The only feedback I ever seem to receive from my managers is something negative. It’s infuriating.

Medical bills. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s this year, before this year I had never had any major extensive medical bills. I am supposed to have a colonoscopy every six months because my dad has colon cancer. It puts me at risk for developing cancer, so they want to keep a close watch to make sure that if it does they can catch it early. 

Medication. I have a maintenance medication that I am meant to be on for the rest of my life. I read that the medication could be causing issues to my kidneys. I’ve been experiencing soreness under my ribs on my back.

Making appointments. I may need glasses, but I’m not sure. I definitely need to see a gynecologist for my menstrual cramping. The first day of my cycle is always met with debilitating cramping and body aches, and I have often missed work because of this. Both these things take time and money, and I’m not sure that I can prioritize them.

Being tired. I’m exhausted today but that may be the physical anguish, that is menstruation, at play.

Me-time. I’m not really sure what to do with my free time, when I’m not doing anything with my husband. I was sitting trying to think of what I do for fun and I couldn’t really think of anything aside from watching Netflix and YouTube videos… That’s not great. I usually spend time with my husband doing things. Anything with him is fun, as long as we aren’t annoyed with one another. Just now I was watching YouTube videos, but it made me feel empty and deflated. I should be reading. In the end, I chose to sit down and write this shit.

Myself. Most of all, I’m not enjoying myself right now.